JESSICA’S TESTIMONY
When you become a believer of God, you also become God messenger. That is why I want to share with you today the struggles I had in my life and how I miraculously found myself in this place, enjoying a fruitful relationship with my very personal God, our Lord and savior Jesus Christ.
All along I thought my being here on earth was a mistake. A costly mistake committed by my parents. I believed then that they had been cursed by God. And that cursed had been passed on to me. I thought I was born to suffer.
I was born out of wedlock. My parents didn’t marry because my grandparent did not approve of their relationship. My dad came from a wealthy family while my mom was a typical probinsyana who fell head over heels with my good-looking dad, who was then is show business. But my father, being too much of a womanizer, eventually left my mother brokenhearted. My parents separated when I was to years old and from there, I grew up in a most confusing environment being rotated from one house to another, to live temporarily with either my dad, or my mom, and most of the time with my grandparents.
I had to settle for this kind of life because I had no choice. My mother during that time already had four kids by other men, while my dad also had a new family. I always felt like the odd one out.
Living with my grandparents had allowed me to go to a good, private Catholic school, something that my mother couldn’t afford. But the most discouraging part in it is that I was treated well by my aunts and uncles. If you have watched soap operas during my time like “Flordeluna” or “Annaliza” that was me, exactly, only, it was for real.
I would come and visit my mom and dad during weekends. While I find myself getting closer to my mom seeing how much she is suffering in her life. I found myself resenting my father. I never got the chance to bond with him. When I would come to visit him, I would end up fighting with his new live-in partner. She was so mean to me. She would shout me and hit me, sometimes bite me even. She concocts all those hurtful accusations against me which were all untrue. But the worst part is that my dad would side with her all the time, I was convinced that I hated my dad. That is why when they decided to migrate to US and gave me the choice to join them, I declined, I couldn’t even begin to imagine life with him and his live-in partner somewhere so far away.
Instead, I chose to be with my mother. I have come to appreciate her more, and love her deeply because despite her sufferings, she opted to do her best to raise all her kids. She had numerous failed relationships with other men, but what stood out in my consciousness was that she was a victim of circumstances.
That’s why when she died, and in a most painful and most violent way possible. I knew something in me died too. My mother was murdered and to this day, we have yet to find justice for her death. That was the lowest of all lowest points in my life. It took me a very long time to come to grips with the reality of my loss. For a long time, I numbed my feelings. I didn’t allow to myself to hurt by the loss of anybody anymore. Boyfriends, friends, talents, best friends, Namanhid na ko.
Looking back, I know now why God took away my mom from me. I have put my mother above everything else in my life, even him. For God said, “I will take away from you, whom you love more than God the Father Almighty…..” He wanted me back in His arms. Only I took a long time realizing it.
I took over my mom’s responsibility and took care of my siblings, who were also abandoned by their fathers. I started working at 15 and sent them all to school. My first job was as a mannequin in Plaza Fair. I would stand there all day and get paid P180.00. We survived with that kind of job.
A year after I joined Binibining Pilipinas, not hoping to win anything because we just falsified my documents being underage and all. All I was after was to find connections so I can land into modeling. And I did. I got lucky and found myself one of the girls under Wanda Louwallier to tour Asia. It was in Malaysia where I met the father of my first child, Hayca. I was 18 then I had her. Even though that relationship allowed me financial freedom because he was reach, still was not happy. I was too much of a free spirit to settle for a life with that man. One day I just decided to leave him and enter a show business in the Philippines.
In this new world, I found myself going through the motions but not specifically liking the environment. You see people who are only good to you when you can be of use to them everyday. There is hypocrisy everywhere. And it’s in this world where I met the father of my second child Grant. He was married ---we had relationship. I got pregnant in the process. Being the kind of sinful woman that I used to be, I even felt triumphant when Grant’s father chose to be with me and leave his family.
But through it all, I know in my heart that God will punish us because of this sin, and He did. The whole time that I conceiving this child, we were financially distraught. I spent every single penny I had saved, even sold the car, sold the town house. I was left with nothing.
But somehow things started to happen for me after I gave birth. Boss Vic del Rosario helped me when I started to dabble in talent management and slowly, I was able to get back on the track. But then again, when I regained my strength, money, power and fame (or so I thought) I started living in more and more. Eventually, I left the father of my second child. I had relationships with other men, but still I would find my self very unhappy. I never realized how lost I was.
We took our spirituality seriously and immediately organized a bible study group, invited most of my friends to meet religiously every Tuesday night here in Alabang. We started with only five persons, but now we have grown to be an 18-member group.
I am proud to tell you that I have never been this happy in all my life. I have never been in so much peace. The happiness within me is just unexplainable. I know that is has a lot to do with the fact that God loves me very much. Despite all my wrongdoings in the past, he honored my sincere heart in wanting to change. He forgave my sins but he didn’t stop there. He literally showered me with his favors and blessings.
Looking back, I am just so full of conviction that I am not a mistake. My life is not a mistake. “For all my days are written in His book.”
To God be the glory.
No comments:
Post a Comment